We're All Mad Here
by Kohai Noticed You
Summary: It was just an ordinary rainy day when a twist of fate brought together the queens guard dog, a reaper with too much paperwork, a thief, and a puppet to the Trancy manor. Jealousy, romance, love, killing, and paperwork! What more could you ask for from the Kuroshitsuji cast? (Based off an RP - very much a parody)
1. Prologue

**Salutations!**

 **Kohai reporting in with her first ever Kuroshitsuji story! There are a few things I would like to make known before you start reading this story. This story should not be taken super seriously. This story is based of events that have happened in an RP group of mine so there will be OC's and the characters might do things that seem weird but are inside jokes for us. This tagged under humor so take it like it is. I hope everyone enjoys reading it just as much as I enjoy RPing it. To my RP friends, if you are reading this: I love you all and hope you enjoy the story.**

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 **We're All Mad Here**

 **Prologue**

 _"We cannot always control everything that happens to us in this life, but we can control how we respond. Many struggles come as problems and pressures that sometimes cause pain. Others come as temptations, trials, and tribulations."_

~ L. Lionel Kendrick

 _Ebony Rose_

Red. The color red was everywhere - engulfing and swallowing everything around it. Swirls of orange and yellow mixed in with the red and the smell of scorched wood and paint seemed to be filling the air. There was, however, another sickly sweet aroma that seemed to be almost overwhelming.

It smelled as if someone had put a slab of fatty pork on a frying pan and had forgotten about it. It was sweet and acrid, and in a way it similar to that of charcoal. The aroma was so strong one could almost taste it as it seemed to cling to your tongue.

The smoke and colors seemed to blur in the young girls vision, but it was a blood curdling scream that snapped her back to reality. She looked down at her small hands and watched as the crimson liquid dripped to the ground between her fingers. When she turned her gaze forward the red and orange swirls became a clearer picture. It was a fire.

Everything - everyone - was burning. That sickly sweet smell was the sweet aroma of the burning flesh around her. She watched as one of the smaller bodies crawled towards and reached a hand out as if she could do something for it. She would hardly even call it a body anymore.

As if she suddenly had no more control over her body she started laughing. It was a cold and cruel laugh, devoid of any humor. She tilted her head and stared down at this so called body. All its flesh had been burned off so it was more of a crispy lump of muscle and tissue more than anything - it was unrecognizable. It didn't matter to the girl. In fact the sight of seeing this mass that was once a body crawl towards her and reach out desperately pleased her - it excited her.

With a twisted grin she lifted her foot and brought it down on the mass of tissue and flesh, causing a rather satisfying crunch as her foot sunk into its skull. The so called body didn't even utter a sound as she shoved her foot through it's ugly head, instead it simply fell limp. She yanked her foot up and watched as string of mush and blood came up as she pulled away. It was similar in texture to a sort of mushy noodle dish. Ramen perhaps.

She remembered things were still burning when she felt the heat of the flames get closer to her own flesh. There was no more screaming or any sound at all - everything except the flickering of the fire had stopped making sound. Her body went on autopilot and she found herself running out of the burning building.

She ran and ran and ran, not stopping until she reached an abandoned alleyway where she fell to her knees and started laughing as if she had just heard the best joke of her life. She slowly curled up on the ground as her laughter turned to sobs.

She didn't seem to notice the purple eyes watching her from the distance.

 _William T. Spears and Ronald Knox_

The night was unusually eerie. There were no sounds, not even crickets, and each footstep the two Shinigami's took seemed to echo loudly. Even the moon appeared to be in hiding. The sight before them was horrifying.

The building before the two reapers was just barely standing. It was clear that the small building before them had been long neglected before the fire had ever happened as the wood was clearly rotted and the paint was weathered and chipped. The shutters were broken and the windows were cracked - though it was unclear if they were cracked because of the fire or due to lack of care - and the grass was tall and unkempt.

The taller of the two Shinigami's used his death scythe to adjust his glasses. He didn't care much for human affairs but even he had to admit that this was an absolutely horrid place. The air reeked of burnt flesh still, despite the fact that the fire had been out for hours.

The other Shinigami ran a hand through his blond hair. He was disgusted to think that not only were children forced to live in such awful conditions but they had all died so young. The oldest kid here was no more than ten. Their futures had quite literally been burned away. What could possibly make a person do such a cruel thing as burn down an orphanage? He had little sympathy for the adults, as their files showed they were abusive and often times malicious. As far as he was concerned they got what was coming for them.

The pair wasted no time in reaping the poor souls and watching through each cinematic record as neither of them was fond of overtime. Through watching the various clips it was easy to piece together that some small child was behind these murders, though it wasn't exactly clear on how it had happened. It was the taller Shinigami who had the pleasure of reaping the child with the smashed in skull.

Without hesitation he stuck his death scythe in the burnt child's body, causing it to basically cave in. He watched the memories as they passed him. They seemed to be the same as the all the other children's - nothing extremely special or interesting. The child was given up at age three and lived in the poor conditions of the orphanage. It appeared he, just as the other children, had picked on one of the smaller girls at the orphanage. Kids could be cruel and it wouldn't be the first time a bullied child murdered their peers he supposed, though this was much more horrific than what he had usually seen. It was the last few seconds of this child memories that got to him, however.

In the last few seconds he was looking up at the small girl he had bullied and appeared to be reaching out to her.

Her eyes. They were full of a cruel humor and devoid of any sympathy - almost as if she felt nothing anymore. However, there was something else hidden amongst the coldness and it seemed to be a look of pain and longing. The emotion was so intense it surprised him and caused him to take step back. He felt something deep inside that he hadn't felt before but he wasn't sure exactly what it was. He shook his head and spun his death scythe. It didn't matter. Their job was done and it was time to go.

 _ **Four Years Later**_

 _Ciel Phantomhive and Sebastian Michaelis_

Four years had passed since the burning of the orphanage and not much had happened since, other than the burning down of the Phantomhive manor but that's a story for another time.

The air was thick and each breath the young earl took felt like there was a weight on his chest. The ground was wet and he was sweating a bit. He wanted nothing more than to go back to his manor and eat some cake but his blasted butler - Sebastian - had insisted that it would be good for his public image if he went to the grand opening of the new orphanage. What did he care if a bunch of snotty street rats had another place to call "home?" He had much more important business he could be doing for the queen. Not to mention it was absolutely awful outside.

Sebastian managed to silence the earls grumbling with the promise of cake once they got home, however.

The entire affair was over rather swiftly. The young earl cut the red ribbon for the new orphanage, people cheered, pictures were taken, and then everyone went about their daily lives. Off in the shadows there was a young girl watching the whole ordeal with a sense of interest. No one noticed her, which was nothing new to the girl. She didn't seem to notice the red eyes staring at her as she was more focused on the young earl, Ciel.

As the people began to clear out Sebastian seemed to say something to Ciel but it was so soft the young girl couldn't hear what was being said. Ciel appeared rather annoyed and began walking, Sebastian following close behind him. The girl followed behind the duo at a distance, keeping her steps silent.

She appeared to be waiting for an opening of some sort but couldn't seem to get one thanks to the butler getting in her way. Just as she was about to call it quits and leave she realized that she had followed them into a dead end alleyway. Not good. She began to back up when the young earl turned around and looked her dead in the eye.

"Trying to steal from a Phantomhive is quite a bold move," the young boy said, seemingly unamused.

"Bocchan, that's no way to be speaking to a lady," Sebastian chuckled lightly.

Ciel opened his mouth to speak but the girl cut him off.

"I ain't a lady," spat the young girl as she narrowed her eyes.

Ciel simply rolled his eyes at the girl. "How do you intend to atone for your actions exactly? In fact, why don't I just have you thrown in jail? Sebastian, I o-"

"I think she could be of use to us, bocchan." Sebastian smiled, cutting off the young earl.

"And how do you purpose we use a thief like her?" Ciel scoffed.

"I'm right here, ya know!" the girl growled, annoyed that they were talking about her as if she wasn't there.

Sebastian turned his attention to the young girl. "What might your name be, miss?"

The girl shrugged. "I dunno... I don't have a name." she mumbled, somewhat embarrassed.

"How about you give yourself a name?" Sebastian said with a slight head tilt. He was as charming as ever.

The girl was silent as she thought. "Ebony. Ebony Rose is my name."

Sebastian found the name rather fitting for the young girl as black roses were often used to symbolize witchcraft. It was only natural the girl would pick such a name.

"Well, Ebony Rose, I would like to propose an arrangement. I think both you and Ciel will find it beneficial in the long run." Sebastian said with an almost devious grin.

 _And so the story begins..._

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 **Salutations!**

 **That concludes the prologue of We're All Mad Here. It was a bit short but I already have the first chapter typed up and am working on the second one. Leave a review and tell me what you thought.**


	2. Silver, Gold, and Ebony

**Salutations!**

 **Kohai reporting in with chapter one of We're All Mad Here. In this chapter we will mostly be focusing on Ciel, Alois, and Ebony. Claude and Sebastian make an appearance as well.**

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 **Chapter One**

 **Silver, Gold, and Ebony**

 _"But life inevitably throws us curve balls, unexpected circumstances that remind us to expect the unexpected. I've come to understand these curve balls are the beautiful unfolding of both karma and current."_

~ Carre Otis

Rain poured down endlessly, pounding on the rooftops and turning the dirt roads into vast lakes of muddy water. Darks, grey clouds blanketed the sky, not letting a single ray of sun pass through. The atmosphere was heavy and everything was bleak, grey, and dreary. The only thing that would drown out the ominous sounds of the wind rustling the tree leaves was the loud crack of thunder in the distance.

Ebony Rose was just unfortunate enough to get stuck outside on this horrid day. Her usually wavy dark chestnut colored hair was now plastered to her face and had seemed to become fond of obscuring her vision. Her black, knee length dress was drenched and clinging to her small frame. The only thing protecting her feet from the icy cold puddles were her knee high boots.

She kept her head down and wrapped her arms around her body - like that would keep her warm - as she ran along the muddy road. Why had she ignored that lady on the docks who had warned her about a storm? Oh right, she was just trying to avoid the job Ciel had for her. Heh. Hey! Everyone deserved a break every now and then! Besides, she had heard rumors of a manor out here full of things just asking to be taken. If she had heard correctly a boy no older than fourteen lived there alone with his servants. This was going to almost be _too_ easy.

How far out was this place though? She hoped it was worth all this trouble.

There it was! Through the heavy rain she could see a faint light in the distance. She had no doubt that was the place she was looking for. She'd just do a little "shopping" and be on her way back to Ciel, surely he'd understand the reason for her delay. Wasting no time she sped up her pace and headed in the direction of the light.

Upon reaching the manor she was in awe. It was massive! A large fountain and several flowerbeds containing purple and yellow flowers were established at the manors entrance. Given the size of the manor she could only imagine how many rooms it held. Why did a fourteen year old need such a huge house? Actually, she could probably be asking Ciel the same question but he probably wouldn't find it as humorous as she did.

She wondered the best way to go about sneaking into this place. Obviously the front door was a stupid idea. The back door didn't seem that safe either. She quietly approached the manor and crouched down beside one of the windows so that she was out of the rain. She looked down at herself and watched as the water dripped off of her dress and hair. Being sneaky was going to be hard when she was soaked and covered in mud.

With a huff she wiped her boots on the grass and rung her dress dry the best she could. That would at least minimize the trail she left behind her as she walked around the manor... if she could find a way into the blasted place.

In the corner of her eye she saw a window ever so slightly cracked open, perhaps to let some air in. Or perhaps the butler here was incompetent and forgot to shut it all the way. Either way she didn't really care. She slowly raised up and peaked through the window. It was dim inside but there didn't appear to be anyone nearby.

Ever so carefully she opened the window just wide enough that she climb through it. She had been in much tighter spots before so this was a walk in the park for her.

Once inside she again in awe. The ceiling was extremely high and the decorations were extravagant. Gold seemed to be everywhere, making the manor almost appear to sparkle. It was as if the kid here was trying to show off the lavish life they lived. That was their choice she supposed, it just made this easier for her.

She'd start her little shopping spree with those jewels just over there.

 **~.~.~**

"This is shit." growled the young blond boy as he idly played with a rose.

"Would you like a different tea, your highness?" the statue of a butler asked in his usual monotone voice.

"I wasn't talking about the tea! I meant the rain. It's ruining my mood. Claude, make it stop raining this instant!" the boy clapped his hands together.

The butler sighed and pushed up his glasses. Why did he put up with this?

"Perhaps you should take your mind off the rain, your highness." Claude said uninterested.

"I know!" The boy smirked and stood up, setting the rose down on the table. "Dance with me, Claude!" He extended a hand towards his butler.

Deep down the boy knew his butler cared little for him but he still clung to him. He couldn't be alone. He _refused_ to be alone and until he had someone else to cling to he would cling to the spider.

Claude looked down at his master. He would rather have his eyes plucked out by crows than to dance with this brat. Honestly, he was starting to question his reasoning for staying. He opened his mouth to speak but stopped when he heard a knock on the door.

"It would seem someone was here, your highness." Claude said, relieved that he would not have to dance with the boy.

The boy's icy blue eyes lit up. "Well let's go see who it is!"

Claude rolled his eyes as he followed his master to the entrance. Really, you'd think that the boy would have learned to not be so excited when strangers came the manor after what had happened last time.

Alois practically skipped his way to the entry way and flung the doors open, revealing none other than Ciel Phantomhive himself.

"Ciel!" The blonde boy jumped on Ciel, wrapping his arms around him to bring him into a close embrace. "You must have really missed me!" he smirked, flicking his tongue out towards Ciel's ear.

Ciel scoffed and promptly shoved the blond away. "Get off me, Alois."

"Oh, don't be like that Ciel." Alois pouted. "Are you telling me you came all the way out here just so you could push me? Just admit you find me irresistible."

Ciel glared at the flamboyant boy before him. "Hardly the case. I'm simply searching for a... friend."

Alois' smirked. "Well I have a friend in my pants that would love to meet you."

Ciel gave him a look of disgust. "That's revolting."

Alois seemed quite pleased with himself.

"I don't want to stay in this horrid place any longer than necessary so I'll make this quick. Have you seen a short girl-"

"Ciel, can you really call anyone short?" Alois sneered.

Ciel kept speaking as if Alois had never opened his mouth. "With long brown hair and brown eyes. She wears a jet black dress, about knee length. I believe she wears boots. She has a nasty habit of running off when I nee-" Ciel stopped speaking as he happened to look behind Alois.

Speak of the devil! There she was. She froze like a deer in headlights when she made eye contact with Ciel. Her pockets and boots were clearly stuffed full of various things she had stolen from the manor. She was just about to make her exit and was hoping to go unnoticed by Ciel until she at least made it outside. Desperately, she waved her arms trying to signal for him to not say anything.

Ciel narrowed her eyes at her and shoved past Alois. "There you are!" he growled, marching straight towards her. "I've been looking all over for you!"

Ebony did a face palm. "Ciel! Could this not have waited until I got outside?" She gave him her "you are an idiot" face.

"Tch. I don't care. I have a job for you and you know it, now lets go." Ciel grabbed Ebony's wrist and began to drag her out of the manor.

Just before they could make it out the door the girl had her other wrist snatched and yanked in the opposite direction. She stumbled back a little, bringing Ciel to a halt as well. Ebony turned her head to see that it was the Alois boy who had grabbed her wrist.

"Where do you think you're going?" Alois tugged her hard enough to free her from Ciel's grip and pulled her so she was practically pressed against his chest. His piercing blue eyes stared down into her brown ones, almost daring her to defy him.

Ebony narrowed her eyes at the boy. "Let. Me. Go."

Something seemed to flash in the blonds eyes and he suddenly gave her a twisted smile. Without hesitating he lifted his hand up and smacked her hard across the face, leaving a bright red hand print on her face.

"Maggot! You don't get to tell me what to do!" Alois yelled.

"Honestly." Ciel sighed. "Let's just go," he said rather annoyed.

Ebony appeared to be ignoring Ciel at the moment. "Mutt! You aren't the boss of me!" She lifted her foot and kicked Alois right in the stomach, leaving a foot print made of water and mud on his nice clothes.

She spun around and faced Ciel. "Alright, let's go." She walked back towards the door only to be yanked back by her hair.

"Bitch. Where do you think you're going with my stuff!" Alois growled as held a handful of her hair in his hand.

Ebony yelped as she was pulled back by her hair. She dug her elbow into his ribs hard enough to leave a bruise and he let out a grunt in return. "I don't know what you're talking about. Now let me go of me! I don't want your filthy hands touching me."

Alois snarled and threw Ebony to the ground by her hair. She let out a small whimper of pain as her body smacked into floor.

"You're the only one that's filthy." Have you looked in a mirror lately? Now give me back my stuff, you maggot."

Ciel spoke up before Ebony could respond. "Clearly she has no idea what you mean." He went over and helped Ebony up and pulled her close to him. "Now we'll be leaving."

"Claude!" Alois snapped. "Get my stuff back. Now!"

Claude sighed and pushed up his glasses. He had heard the girl enter earlier but honestly didn't care enough to do anything about it. Perhaps he should have so that he could have avoided all this drama.

"Yes, your highness." Claude said, slightly exasperated.

Claude went over to the small girl and pulled her away from Ciel. In the next moment he was dangling her upside down with one hand and using his other hand to keep her dress from falling up. Ebony's still wet hair was dripping onto the floor.

"Hey! Let me go! I didn't take anything!" Ebony screeched.

"This is ridiculous. Sebastian! Get over here now." Ciel demanded.

Claude looked up at the door way to see Sebastian had appeared, holding an umbrella and looking rather smug.

"Bocchan, I thought you didn't require my assistance in retrieving our little helper." Sebastian chuckled.

"I didn't ask for your critique of what I said. Grab Ebony so we can leave." Ciel said, rather irritated.

Sebastian gave his signature smile and nodded. "Of course, bocchan."

Claude looked back at Ebony and started to shake her, causing everything she had taken to fall out of her pockets and boots.

"Hey! Stop that!" Ebony yelled as she desperately tried to catch the items falling to the ground.

Claude simply ignored her protests and kept shaking until every item she had taken had fallen to the ground below her. "There. You may have your human back."

Without any warning Claude flung Ebony at the wall. She closed her eyes and waited for the impact only to feel a pair of long arms wrap around her. She slowly opened her eyes and saw Sebastian had caught her.

"Thanks, Sebastian." She gave him a grateful smile and giggled as Sebastian set her down on her feet.

"But of course." he laughed softly.

Ciel marched over to Ebony and grabbed her wrist once more, pulling her closer to him. "Now that this nonsense is over we will be going."

Alois looked over at Ciel and Ebony and smirked a little as he walked closer. "Oh no, I don't think so." He looked down at Ebony as if he was sizing her up. Something about her... he couldn't quite explain it. He wasn't sure if he wanted to gut her or have her as his own.

Ebony glared at him. "Again, you aren't my boss!"

Alois' smirk grew. "Not yet. But I can be." He put a finger under her chin, forcing her to look at him.

Ciel quickly yanked her away from Alois. "You're disgusting, Trancy."

"Oh boohoo. Phantombitch is jealous." Alois laughed.

Ebony seemed to have a look of naive confusion her face as if she didn't quite understand what they were talking about now. "Why would Ciel be jealous?"

This only caused Alois to laugh more.

"I'm not jealous. Trampy here is just stupid," Ciel replied, a faint blush.

Ebony glanced between the two while they bickered. Slowly, as to not draw attention to herself, she moved away from them and towards the pile of goodies on the ground that Claude had made her drop. The pair didn't seem to notice until she started picking up the items.

"Hey! Stop taking my things!" Alois yelled.

Ebony ignored him and just kept the items back in her pockets.

"Don't ignore me, bitch!" Alois stomped over to her and kicked her in the ribs, causing her to yelp out in pain as she fell over. "You sound like a dog. I think I'll make you my pet," he said smugly. "My very own little bitchy."

Ebony glared daggers at the blond. If looks could kill he would be dead ten times over. "Don't. Call. Me. That."

Alois' eyes flashed. "I'll call you whatever I please, bitchy. You're my pet."

Ebony grit her teeth. "That's not my name!" she yelled as she stood back up. Without wasting another moment she smacked him as hard as she could across the face. Her nails scratched him, peeling off some skin from his cheek.

"You break into my home, steal my things, and then attack me? It looks like I'm going to have to punish you." Alois sighed, licking some of the blood that dripped down from his scratch.

"I'm done wasting my time here. Sebastian lets go." Ciel hastily grabbed Ebony's wrist as he marched out the door.

"Claude stop them!" Alois demanded.

"Yes, your highness." Claude sighed and looked over Sebastian. "There is some catnip tequila in the basement."

Sebastian perked up suddenly. "Bocchan, the weather is rather bad at the moment. We should wait until the storm passes. I'm glad you understand." He didn't wait for Ciel to respond to him as he quickly vanished.

"S-Sebastian!" Ciel called.

"Oh dear. It would seem you're stuck here now." Alois grinned.

Ciel turned and looked at Ebony. "You. If you hadn't been trying to avoid the job I have for you we wouldn't be stuck in this awful place."

"Tch. This isn't _my_ fault. You should have just stayed quite until I was out of the manor. it's not my fault you blew my cover!" Ebony retorted.

Ciel grit his teeth and took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. "Whatever. If we're going to be stuck here I'm going to find us a room."

"Oh I already have a room picked out for the thief." Alois sneered, yanking the girl back towards him.

"Could you keep your hands off her?" Ciel snapped.

Alois ignored him and started walking off with Ebony, Ciel following behind them. "I wasn't lying. I'm going to punish you like the bad dog you are."

"I'm not your dog!" Ebony snapped, trying to pull away from him.

"Are you Ciel's dog then?" Alois smirked as he saw Ciel face growing redder from the corner of his eye.

"I'm not a dog at all!" she growled, stopping hard on his foot. "Now let me go you stupid, mutt."

There was a visible flash of anger in Alois' eyes. "How dare you call me that, peasant!" He slammed her to the ground and brought his foot down on her stomach, earning him a cry of pain.

Ebony grabbed his foot and pulled him to the ground. He landed on top of her and his forehead hit hers - hard. Both of them let out a loud cry of pain and held onto their heads. The girl quickly shoved Alois off of her and stood.

" _Ow_ You freak that hurt!" Ebony hissed.

"Well maybe if your head wasn't so hard you piece of trash!" Alois snapped as he sat up, rubbing his forehead.

Ebony spit at him. "Freak."

Alois growled. "Are you so illiterate that you only have two insults?" he sneered.

Ebony opened her mouth but was cut off by Ciel. "Alois, that's enough. Shut up."

Alois glared at Ciel but then quickly smiled, his mood seeming to change in almost an instant. "Right, let me show you to the room you can stay in." he said, looking at Ebony. "What's your name?"

"I don't have to answer your questions." the girl said with a huff.

Alois stood and grabbed Ebony's wrist.

"Stop touching her!" Ciel moved to grab Ebony but Alois was pulling her along before Ciel could grab her.

Ebony was pulling against Alois as much as she could but it didn't seem to bother him - in fact he appeared to be rather content. When he reached the door to the basement he opened it up and smirked.

"Have fun, bitchy." Alois laughed as he shoved her into the basement, locking the door behind him.

Ebony shrieked and began banging on the door. "Let me out of here right now!"

Alois giggled as he listened to her pleas. Ciel sighed and shook his head as he watched the ordeal. He could help Ebony he supposed but she was more than capable of helping herself and she did try to avoid him when she knew he had a job for. No... she didn't need his help.

"Not going to help your girlfriend?" Alois smirked at Ciel.

"She's not my girlfriend." Ciel huffed.

"Oh good then you won't mind me keeping her!" the blond said cheerfully.

Ciel glared. "You aren't 'keeping' her. She doesn't belong to you."

"Not yet..."

"Not ever."

Alois laughed. "She's my pet now. I even have her locked up and you can't do anything about it now can you Ciel?"

"Tch. I could but quite frankly if she wants out she'll get out herself."

Ebony let out a loud, high pitch scream. "I will burn this door down if I have to!" She couldn't actually hear what the two boys were saying and she didn't really care what they were talking about anyways. She just wanted out.

Both boys continued to ignore her as she screamed.

"It's ridiculous that I have to stay in such a filthy manor." Ciel grumbled. "Do you have any cake? I'm quite hungry."

Alois laughed. "Are you sure cake will solve that hunger of yours? Don't de-"

Ciel cut him off. "Shut it, Tranny."

"Phantombitch."

"Spider food."

"Crow food."

"Let me out!" she screeched louder.

"Tch. Shut up, maggot!" Alois yelled at the door.

Ebony started pounding on the door as if she thought it would open if she hit it hard enough.

Ciel rolled his eyes. "I'm going to get some cake." he grumbled as he walked off to the kitchen.

"Have fun in there, bitchy." Alois laughed as he left.

Ebony let out a frustrated scream. She really didn't feel like using her powers because it just seemed like a waste at the moment so she decided picking the lock sounded like a better idea. She waited until it had gone silent for a while and then took off her boot and slid her sock off. She would never go anywhere without having a lock pick on her. Shook her sock a little and out fell the lock pick. She quickly slid the sock and shoe back on and moved to the door. Within seconds she had the door opened. Quietly she sneaked out of the basement and shut the door behind her.

She was still filthy. The water had mostly dried down but her dress and hair were still caked in dirt. She really wished she had some clean clothes. Hm... surely that Alois boy had some clothes he could spare somewhere.

Ebony wandered around for a while, trying to find the bedrooms. It took a bit of searching as the manor was huge but she eventually found a room with a rather large bed and closet. It appeared to be empty so she went inside and headed to the closet.

Why are there so many booty shorts here? Tch. Ebony shook her head and grabbed an one of the white shirts. She took of her dirty dress and boots and slid the white button up shirt on. The sleeves were much longer than her arms but she didn't mind. She did however find it odd how nice it smelled. She glanced over at the bed. She wasn't sure the last time she had slept on the bed was and this one looked extremely comfortable. It wouldn't hurt anything if she just took a little nap would it?

She went over to the large bed and slid under the blankets. She was so small that you couldn't even really tell she was under them. Just as she fell asleep Alois came into the room and laid down on the other side of the bed, his back facing Ebony. Not once did he actually notice Ebony as she was curled up near the edge of the other side of the bed.

Perhaps he would notice her when he realized Ebony could be quite cuddly when she was asleep.

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 **Salutations!**

 **This concludes chapter one of We're All Mad Here. Feel free to let me know what you thought~ Kohai reporting out.**


	3. My Fair Lady

**Salutations! Kohai reporting in with chapter two of We're All Mad Here. It has been quite awhile since I last updated anything. It's just been kind of stressful lately but worry not fellow readers! For I am going to be updating this story as well as my RWBY fic, which if you haven't checked out you totally should! Please note this chapter was a little rushed. I apologize in advance. Now, please, carry on!**

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 **Chapter Two**  
 **My Fair Lady**

 _"Nothing scares me more than people with some doll collection."_

~Karl Largerfeld

Outside it had gotten much darker and the rain had started pouring down harder as it now sounded like small pellets were hitting the roof. The wind was starting to feel almost icy but this didn't matter to orange-haired puppet as the cold did not bother him. The new owner of the Shard of Hope was very hard to catch. She never appeared to stay in the spot for very long so it was difficult to capture her.

He had noticed that she was in the company of Earl Phantomhive. She must be a very valuable girl if she had such fine company. Her skin was dirty but that was nothing a good scrubbing couldn't fix.

Yes, she just needed a bath and then she would be a perfect doll to add to his collection. He looked down at himself. He was sure his pink and blue eye shadow was running down his face and his blue tail coat was heavy and the ends were caked in mud. He himself could use a good bath. He was a beautiful person if he did say so himself, but dirt and mud was good at hiding such beauty.

He smiled to himself and began humming "My Fair Lady" as he walked down the now muddy road to the Trancy manor.

 **~.~.~**

In the Trancy manor all was quiet. Ebony and Alois were sound asleep and buried among the cotton sheets on the bed, Ciel was in the kitchen eating strawberry cake, Sebastian was god knows where at this point, and Claude was standing in the corner of the living room as if he was made of stone. He didn't even move when heard a screech of pain come from Alois' room.

 _Idiots. Everyone here is an idiot..._ I'd be better off living in the woods. Claude thought to himself as he pushed his glasses up with a sigh.

 **~.~.~**

"What the hell are you doing in my bed?!" Alois spat as he held Ebony up by her hair on the bed.

"Let me go, mutt!" Ebony cried out as she tried to claw his hand out of her hair.

The pair had been sound asleep until Alois had felt something warm start to touch him. When he pulled the covers back he had found Ebony trying to cuddle him in her sleep. She was even in his clothes! The girl was filthy! What right did she have to wear his things?

"I put you in the basement for a reason, moron. Be a good pet and stay there," he growled. He got off the bed and tried to yank her with him but she held on to the bed. She let out a yelp as he pulled her hair.

"Let! Go!" she cried out, as her head was pulled back. She really didn't want to leave the bed. It was warm and she felt like she was swimming in blankets when she laid in it.

Alois was not the least bit amused. "This is my bed!" He yanked her so hard she had no choice but to let go of the bed. She landed on the ground with a loud thud. She visibly started to shake as the cool air of the room touched her skin. "And I'm not letting some filthy peasant sleep in it! In fact, you're lucky I don't just kick you outside!"

"Don't call me a peasant you freak! You don't know me!" she snapped, as she was dragged along the floor by her hair.

"That's exactly why you're going back in the basement, bitch. You can stay there until Ciel is ready to take you back to whatever disgusting place you come from." Alois was pissed off. He simply wanted a nice nap but this stupid thief had to interrupt it.

Ciel could hear Ebony protesting all the way from the kitchen and let out an exasperated sigh. Did she always have to cause trouble? He heard the click of the basement door after a few moments, probably from where Alois was locking her in it again. That blond brat sure was stupid. She was just going to get out again - there wasn't any lock Ebony couldn't pick.

Ciel listened as Alois' footsteps faded away back to his room and chuckled a little as he heard Ebony pounding on the basement door. He supposed he should just go let her out. It wasn't like he was going out of his way to help her. If she stayed the basement she'd keep yelling and it'd give him a headache - really he was just helping himself. Sure he could wait for her to give up screaming and she'd get herself out but that girl could scream for hours.

He finished the last of his strawberry cake and went to the basement where he unlocked the door and opened it. As soon as he opened it Ebony fell forward, only to be caught by him.

"Honestly, Ebony. Be more careful." Ciel sighed as he helped her back onto her feet. "And what on earth are you wearing?"

"I am careful! It's that mutt that put me in the basement. And I'm wearing one of the mutt's shirts. My dress was cold and dirty." Ebony huffed.

Ciel frowned at her. He didn't really like her wearing Alois' clothes - it bothered him. "You look awful in that thing. Take it off at once."

"I don't have anything else to wear." She rolled her eyes.

"You can wear one of my shirts until your dress is clean. Just get out of that." He eyed her up and down with disgust.

Ebony didn't really understand what the big deal was. It was just a shirt after all. "Why does it matter though?"

Ciel huffed and glared at her. "I don't have to answer to you. Just do as you're told."

Ebony narrowed her eyes at him. "You aren't the boss of me."

"Our arrangement says otherwise." Ciel countered.

"No... our arrangement says-" she was cut off before she could finish.

"Yes. I know exactly what our arrangement says. You seem to be benefiting the most, wouldn't you agree? Perhaps we should just end it? After all you seem to have a problem obeying even the most simple orders. You're proving to be quiet useless. I suppose I'll just go contact the p-"

"Okay! I get it!" she snapped, quick to interrupt him before he went any further. "I'll go change. Do you even have clothes here?" She puffed her cheeks out a little.

"Sebastian brought them in before he ran off. I had him put them in one of the rooms upstairs." he replied.

"Why did Sebastian have clothes for you with him? Were you planning on staying here or something?" Ebony raised an eyebrow.

Ciel scoffed. "Of course not. This place is awful but it's a long distance from the manor. I wasn't going to wear the same clothes everyday while I was out of the manor."

Ebony mumbled something about rich people and Ciel just rolled his eyes.

"Just follow me so we can get you out of that disgusting thing." Ciel grumbled.

"Yes sir, mister grumpy pants." Ebony snickered.

Ciel shot her a glare but otherwise ignored her - he was accustom to her attitude by this point. At first it made him just want to get rid of her but Sebastian kept insisting that he be patient. He would never admit but his idiot butler had been correct. Ebony, as annoying as she was, had proven to be quite useful time and time again. He respected the fact that she could handle herself and he had actually grown quite fond of her as well - not that he liked to admit that.

He led her to the room he had picked out for himself. It was upstairs and as far away from Alois' room as he could possibly get. Ciel opened his suitcase and tossed one of his nightshirts at her.

"Here. Go take a bath you're absolutely disgusting and I don't want you ruining my clothes." Ciel wrinkled his nose as he looked at her filthy appearance. While he might have had a liking for her that didn't mean he had to tolerate filth.

Ebony rolled her eyes and glared at him. "All you rich people are afraid of dirt." she mumbled. "Dirt never hurt anyone ya know."

Ciel clenched his teeth. "You are not wearing my clothes until you take a bath!"

Ebony couldn't help but smirk a little. "Then I guess I just won't change."

"You are going to take a bath whether you like it or not." Ciel snapped. "That is an order!"

Ebony puffed out her cheeks. "I'm not your butler. You can't order me around!"

Ciel narrowed his eyes. "Haven't we already had this discussion? I am your boss and you will listen to me."

Ebony stared at him for a moment and then sighed. "Yeah, yeah. Bath... got it. Where is the bath?"

Ciel groaned. "Must I help you do everything?"

"I can do things just fine on my own, thanks. But it's not like I know my way around this place." Ebony snapped.

Ciel just rolled his eyes and led her to the nearest bathroom. "There. Now hurry up and try not to break anything. Actually... break as many things as you want." Without another word he turned and left her.

 **~.~.~**

The orange haired puppet had finally arrived at the manor. He supposed just knocking on the door wouldn't hurt - after all he just wanted the girl and then he'd be on his way. Or he could just kidnap her. That might be easier and it would definitely be more fun. He wondered what kind of face the girl would make when she was kidnapped. One of horror no doubt. It would be beautiful. He could just imagine how wide her pretty chocolate colored eyes would get. Her face would become pale and her breath would get caught in her throat. She'd stand there frozen in fear, giving him ample time to memorize the expression.

Breaking in seemed to be a lot of work though and she could slip away in the amount of time it took him to break in. It would be much faster to just walk into the manor. He was sure the owner wouldn't mind as he was just here for the girl.

The puppet man walked up to the front door but stopped a moment to admire the craftsmanship of it. It was a firm, sturdy double door made of oak wood. Every curve was smooth and well thought out. Clearly thought was put into the door when it was designed. This door was like someone's child - just like his dolls were his children. Each was created with great care and it appeared the door was created the same way. He smiled a little and pushed the door open.

Upon entering the manor he was greeted with the sight of glittering gold decorations throughout the manor. It was quite the sight, he must admit. Perhaps the owner of the manor was a leprechaun.

"Can I help you?" came a monotone voice.

The puppet turned his head in an unnatural way towards the corner of the room where Claude stood. "Oh hello. You wouldn't happen to have seen a small girl would you? She is quite slippery, I must say."

Claude pushed his glasses up. Were all the crazy people just showing up today? "She is upstairs I believe. I do ask that you don't disturb his highness. He is rather tired."

The puppet turned his head back around and with robotic movements headed for the stairs. He took note that there were quite a few of them. The manor was rather large if he said so himself, though he felt he at one point had worked in such a manor but the memory was hazy so he didn't dwell on it.

Which room would the girl be in? She was probably exhausted so perhaps she was asleep in bed. It was going to take a while to go through all the rooms to find the one she was staying in.

As if by a stroke of luck he happened to pass a room where he could hear faint humming. He knelt down by the door and peaked inside through the keyhole. Inside, from what he could see, was the girl he was looking for. He could see the upper half of her naked body as she stretched and enjoyed the warmth of her water. She was beautiful. He was correct in thinking all the girl need was a bath.

She appeared to be enjoying herself but it was hard to really see her through such a small hole. He wanted a closer look. As carefully as he could he slowly opened the door, just enough for him to slip in, and then shut it with great ease as to not draw attention to himself. He stayed in his corner, silently watching the naked girl bathe. The water on her skin made her even more beautiful than before.

His face was in expression of amazement and awe. She was sure to be his finest doll. However, his excitement was short lived as the girl could feel his eyes on her. She looked right in his direction and shrieked when she saw him.

Over in the bedrooms both Alois and Ciel could hear the shriek. Both immediately got up and headed in her direction.

It was Alois who arrived first and slammed the door open. "What the bloody hell? Didn't I-" He stopped when he saw that she was naked and in the tub. He was going to make a snide remark until he saw the puppet man. "Who let you in? What the hell are you doing in _my_ manor?"

The puppet turned his head all the way around, causing Alois to jump back a little, and simply looked down at the boy. "Why on earth are you peeping on a young girl? That is very creepy," the puppet chided.

"What? I'm no-" Alois was cut off by the puppet.

"No. Do not speak." In the next second the puppet had him tied in strings that came from his fingers. These were no ordinary strings either as they appeared to be almost impossible to break free from.

Over in the tub Ebony was watching everything with wide eyes. She had a dagger in her hands now, presumably from where she hid it on her person before she undressed.

"You are very pretty. I think you would make a nice puppet as well. I will take you both." The puppet almost appeared to be talking to himself.

This boy was very pretty. His skin was flawless, his hair was soft and framed his face perfectly. He'd be perfect to go with the girl. The two could be a set - even if the girl was much more mature than the boy. What was he? Eleven?

"What the hell Ebony?" Ciel was now in the doorway. He took in the scene before him and instantly frowned. "Oh god not you again." Ciel glared the puppet.

The puppet looked at Ciel. "Earl Phantomhive. Good to see you again."

"You're not taking Ebony." Ciel said firmly as he marched right past the puppet and Alois and right to Ebony. He wouldn't admit it but he did sneak a look at her naked body. Just a quick one! What? He was a boy and just so happened to like girls. Was that a crime? He grabbed a towel and

wrapped it around her.

"Honestly, Ebony. Have some decency. You're naked in front of two perverts." Ciel scolded.

"I am not a pervert!" The puppet scoffed. "It's the eleven year old that is the pervert!"

"I'm not eleven and I'm not a pervert! Besides! I saw you checking her out Phantombitch." Alois snapped.

"Checking me out...?" Ebony's face was now just full of confusion. "What do you mean? What's going on?"

Alois snorted. "You sure do like idiots don't you? First Lizzie and now her? What? Can't attract anyone smart?" He sneered.

Ebony was honestly hurt, not that she would show it. "I'm not stupid!" she yelled.

"Oh really? Why don't you t-" Alois was cut off by the puppet.

"Enough children! Earls do not fight with dolls!" The puppet huffed.

"Dolls? What dolls? There are no dolls!" Ebony huffed. "What's going on. Who are you?"

The puppet turned his head and looked at Ebony. "Drocell Keinz, m'lady." He bowed a little, tipping his hat to her. "I'm a puppeteer and looking to expand my collection."

"You're not taking her." Ciel said quickly. "We've been through this once before with Lizzie. Feel free to take Trampy though."

"What?!" Alois growled. "Just get me out of these damn strings you piece of shit! I'm not anyone's doll!"

"Oh no. I can't just take him. Him and witchy are a set." Drocell said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Ebony blinked and stared at Drocell. "Witchy? How did you-"

"I've been following you for some time. You are rather slippery but well worth the wait." Drocell's tone never changed. It was like this entire situation was normal.

"Well I don't care! Claude!" Alois screamed. "Get over here at once!"

It wasn't but a moment later that the statue of a butler appeared. He looked at the situation before him and let out a deep sigh. With little to no effort he cut his master free.

"Now you!" Alois stood back up and pointed at Drocell. "Out of my manor!"

"Who do you think you are child? You cannot boss me around!" Drocell scoffed.

"Who the hell-" Alois stopped when something outside the bathroom window caught his eye. "What the hell? Is there someone in that tree?"

Drocell and Ebony both turned and looked at the window.

"I only see a tree branch..." Ebony mumbled. "You're stupid."

"I agree with the lady." Drocell nodded.

"Did I ask either of you?" Alois snapped. "Claude. Get the freak out of my house."

"Which one?" Claude sighed and pushed up his glasses.

"The puppet!" Alois gave a glare that could freeze over hell but Claude didn't seem even slightly phased.

"You will do no such thing, sir!" Drocell shook his head.

Claude just ignored Drocell and picked him up and put him outside.

 **~.~.~**

Back in the bathroom Alois, Ciel, and Ebony were still all just standing there.

"Ebony go get dressed at once." Ciel ordered.

"Stop being so bossy." Ebony puffed out her cheeks.

"Ciel just doesn't want me around you naked." Alois smirked.

Ebony's eyebrows furrowed. "What? Why does it matter if I'm naked?"

Alois gave a wicked grin, clearly over the entire fiasco with the puppet. He grabbed Ebony by her waist and picked her up out of the tub, pulling her against him. "Why don't I show you?" he whispered, running his tongue along her ear, all the while watching Ciel so he could see how much he was bothering him.

You could almost see the vein on Ciel's forehead. "Stop being disgusting, Tranny." He reached out and grabbed Ebony's arm, yanking her away from the blond.

Alois laughed. "Aw, poor Phantombrat is jealous I took his toy."

"Shut up! I just find it revolting that you find it necessary to act like a complete and total pervert." Ciel scoffed. "Now c'mon Ebony. We need to get away from the pervert... and that tree branch." Ciel didn't wait another second and just dragged Ebony back to his room.

"Now get dressed." Ciel snapped, turning so his back was to her as he slammed the door shut.

"Yeah, yeah." Ebony sighed and slid on his night shirt. "What was wrong with the tree branch? And what is a pervert?"

Ciel turned around once she was dressed. He found it rather satisfying to see her dressed in his clothes. "Nothing you need to concern yourself with."

'Whatever." Ebony rolled her eyes. "You're weird."

Ciel sighed and rubbed his temples. Could the rain just go away?

* * *

 **And so concludes chapter two! Not my best, I admit. I'll work a bit harder on the third chapter. I want to give a big thanks to my Ciel for reading this over. And Alois, I love you babe. PRAISE THE HOLY MOTHER DRO! Will... eh. See what I did there? Eh? Eh? I said eh... cuz you're Canadian. But really... I love you all so much. You all always cheer me up. Hope you enjoy the story at least a little. Anyways. Kohai reporting out!**


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